Comfortable
by McManda627
Summary: Post "Cops and Robbers". Why was Kate so comfortable waking up with Castle in "Cuffed"? My introspective AU headcannon to fill in the blanks.


Kate Beckett was content.

It was an odd feeling, given the day's events, but staring up in the dark in that moment, it was an accurate descriptor.

Spending the evening with him and his family was exactly what she needed. It had made the stress of the day fall away, and even she had to admit that it was nice being included in his family. She had felt comfortable in his home, sharing dinner with is mother and daughter. And after they made their excuses and disappeared to different parts of the loft, she felt comfortable with him. It was a dangerous feeling.

Which is why when he suggested she stay the night, she was hesitant to admit to herself that it was something that she wanted. But what she could admit to herself was that she was afraid leaving him would result in a night filled with nightmares of every other way the day could have turned out, most of which ended badly, which is why she finally relented to his request. She was sure he was surprised she agreed, but other a slight raise of his eyebrow and a brilliant smile, he hid it well.

Being in the loft helped. Knowing he was there too - sitting next to her at the table, sharing stories with Alexis and Martha - was the best medicine for her stressed heart she could have imagined. It didn't surprise her, though. She had spent the entire day afraid for his safety, hoping she'd see him again, so of course he his presence comforted her.

Castle had almost died today. There had been a very real possibility that he could have died in that bank, and there was nothing she could have done about it. She'd have to live with the reality that she'd never be able to talk to him, that he wouldn't be around the precinct with his crazy theories, that there would never be another Richard Castle book published and the Nikki Heat series would remain unfinished.

But he hadn't. She had to push that line of thought out of her mind before it consumed her. There was no reason to live in the land of 'what ifs'. Unless, she thought, maybe she could imagine the 'what if' she finally admitted out loud that she had opened her heart to him long ago.

Instead, she turned her head to look at the man lying next to her. Castle was fine. He was alive and he was safe and warm next to her. She watched the even rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out and took in the way his eyelashes brushed against his cheek. Out of everything that had kept her calm this evening, this was maybe the most calming thing yet.

She smiled slightly, suddenly glad that she hadn't fought harder when he offhandedly suggested she should share his bed. What had started as flirtatious teasing had turned into a serious suggestion and she rationalized it to herself by comparing it to the comfort she found with him in his loft. If she was staying the night for her own peace of mind, staying as close to him as he'd allow was simply giving her as much peace of mind she could get.

"It doesn't have to mean anything," he'd told her when their flirting had given way to seriousness. "Not if you don't want it to."

She was willing to overlook his omission of himself in his qualifier. She knew him well enough to know that whatever feelings he had, he'd never push hers. Not like this. And though she didn't really need the encouragement to accept his offer, his quiet promise pushed her over the edge into acceptance.

Now she was in his bed. And just because she wasn't in his bed for sex didn't mean she couldn't take advantage of the opportunity to let her guard down a bit.

She was close enough to reach out and touch him, but it wasn't close enough. She waited another three breaths until she was sure he was still asleep then shifted closer to him. She moved slowly, not wanting to wake him, because She was sure if he woke up as she moved closer he'd no doubt tease her about it. He'd still probably tease her when he woke up if she was still pressed against him, but at least if he slept through her moving closer she'd be able to shrug it off as unintentional sleep cuddling.

Finally she had the line of her body pressed against his, burrowing herself in the space between his arm and his chest. He hadn't woken, and she took a chance and laid her head on his shoulder and fisted her hand in his shirt.

She let herself relax against him, marveling in how right the moment felt. As comfortable as she had felt simply being in his bed, the feeling was magnified tenfold being pressed against his side. She breathed in his spicy, clean scent and let it wash away the rest of memories of the day.

She could imagine herself here, in this moment, for the rest of her life.

It was then that she realized that this is where she wanted to be. Without a doubt. And the events of the day only cemented what she already knew: life was short and couldn't be taken for granted.

If she was letting her guard down, she might as well go all out.

"Castle." She sighed his name into the darkness, not moving her head from its position on his shoulder. His breathing stayed steady, his chest rising and falling steadily as he inhaled and exhaled. She focused on her hand on his chest and took a deep breath.

"I love you, Rick."

As soon as the words left her lips she smiled. It felt better than she expected to say it out loud, like voicing the simple sentence all of a sudden made it real. She wanted it to be real. And she was sure it would be real, as soon as she could say those words outside the safety of darkness and sleep.

She snuggled closer to him and closed her eyes, content to let his presence comfort her to sleep.

Tonight, this was enough.

* * *

><p>Clearly, I don't own Castle.<p>

This idea has been rolling around in my head for awhile. Try as I might, I couldn't get it out of my head. I envisioned it as simply a post-"Cops and Robbers" tag, but since I didn't write it for awhile, it turned into a headcannon to explain why Kate was so comfortable waking up with Castle in the beginning of "Cuffed".

Call it AU, call it out of character - I'd love to hear what you thought, and thanks for reading.


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